I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
