"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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