Kiss
Puke
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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