Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
