Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
