sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
