naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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