Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
