what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
