You work out of a Hotel?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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