i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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