READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
