Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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