I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
