Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
