A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
