Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
whose ass print is on the piano?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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