i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
vagina is talking i cant
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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