Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
