what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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