i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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