Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
