Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
