We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
