how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
