Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
