I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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