I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
did you just send me my own nude
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
