update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
