Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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