I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
