I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Terrible idea I love it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
