Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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