Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
