I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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