And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
