you traded sex for a burrito?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
