don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
