she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
