im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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