Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
this is an emotional support booty call
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
