do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
