Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
