Your face is a jimmy john
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
