I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
