Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
