med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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