I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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