fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
