I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We are two peas in an std pod
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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