Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
