we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
