How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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