I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
