the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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