How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
