Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
