The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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