I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
