He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
