I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize