508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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