Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
