They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
And then he peed in my hair
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