You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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