I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
MIDGETS
????
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
