The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
