So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i dont even know how to be here
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
