i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
so much tequila, so little girl.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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