It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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