Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
