you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
