i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
