Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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