Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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